I Can’t Make It One More Day

black white photo woman with long dark hair looking down with hand over her face. sad or troubled.

I Can’t Make It

Can you think back on a time in your life when you weren’t sure you would make it one more day?  It could have been because of pain, hopelessness, fear, hurt, financial troubles, relational troubles, loss, betrayal or any other situation. Maybe today you are feeling that way. Feeling that you don’t think you can make it one more day.

I have been there a couple of times myself. While I had no intention of harming myself, I just couldn’t see how I could live or move forward. The pain had been too much. I shared some of my story in regards to mental health issues in my family in a previous post. Those struggles are (and have been) some of the most difficult days of my life.

While I do have a spouse and maybe one other person that I talk to, no one really knows the depths of my pain, except for me and God. I do talk to Him. I talk to Him in prayer but also as if He were sitting right next to me. I’d vent to Him about how unfair all of this is, how I don’t think I can stand it anymore, how I wish He would do something, like right NOW.

After I am done venting and crying, I close my eyes and can almost feel Him wrapping His arms around me, letting me know that no matter what happens, He is right there with me to comfort me and hold me up. Knowing that alone, gives me peace.

Just Enough Light

3 steps that are lit up

I am at a point in my life where I am taking it one step at a time and God is giving me just enough light for the step I’m on. I am choosing to trust Him through all of my pain. What about you? Do you have a relationship with God? One where you are comfortable talking, crying, even yelling at Him? Don’t worry, He can take it.

Even if we don’t know what tomorrow holds, we can trust that He is there to help us get through it. He never promised us a problem-free life. But He did promise He would never leave or foresake us. He would be there beside us to sustain us and help us through.

What are you going through today? I encourage you to seek Him and his guidance. Read His word. Pray. Even if you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel or at the top of the staircase, just look for the light on the next step. And then the next. And then the next. Take it one step at a time.


Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

Psalm 119:105

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Longing for Spring…And My Place of Peace

Longing for Spring

japanese cherry tree

I am sitting outside on my back deck. The wind is blowing pretty hard at the moment…but I don’t care. The air is cool, but the sun is shining and the sky is blue. I feel like it has been weeks since I’ve seen a “nice” day. I am so over winter.

My body and mind are aching for the scent and feel of spring. Longing for the sunshine, flowers in bloom and needing nothing more that a light jacket to keep warm. Spring always feels like a rebirth. In a sense it really is.

The grass begins to turn green again, the flowers start to bloom. I see people in my neighborhood out for a walk or a run. Kids outside playing. They know that summer is right around the corner. That is what it looks like around here when nicer weather has arrived.

My Place of Peace

I recenlty read a post by Joan Senio at My Best Friend Adeline, entitled “Beach Love“. In it she talks about the beach being her special place to feel at peace. I can so relate. I feel that way as well. But I have one beach in particular that I love. It is in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. When I am longing for that place, I imagine my favorite spot. It is actually the Nags Head Pier. It is an older pier where die-hard fishermen go to fish. They have a great little restaurant onsite as well. It’s very low-key.

I admit, at first I was a little leery of the place as it seemed so old and almost run-down. Especially compared the the newly renovated pier just down the road, Jeanette’s Pier. Jeanette’s is a fabulous pier with a gift shop and has so much to offer as it is associated with the NC Aquarium. It really is a beautiful place. But for some reason, I still prefer the much more rickety Nags Head Pier.

looking towards the beach from Nags Head Pier, Outer Banks, NC
Nags Head Pier

I guess for me, perhaps it’s the memories that it holds. My son, at the age of 4 caught a baby shark while fishing with his dad. He was so proud of himself (Yes, we threw it back in). Maybe it’s the smells that I once hated but now love; fish bait and ocean air. Or the beautiful view from the end of the pier. Maybe I love it because it’s the place my husband and I would go at dusk to relax and take in the majesty of the ocean, the beach, the sky. Basking in God’s creation. We’d sit there until well after dark, listening to the rush of the waves crashing in.

Whatever the reason, this spot and the Outer Banks in general, is a place that I love to go to in order to truly relax and be at peace. Do you have a place like that?

Regardless of where your place of peace is, I hope you can get there again. Even if it is just in your mind. ‘Cause for me…. “In my mind I’m gone to Carolina.” Thank you, James Taylor!

For some amazing photos from the Outer Banks, one of my favorite photographers is THE OBX BEACH BUM.

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A Time for Reflection. What Are You Thankful For?

give thanks

It’s that time of year that I am focused on being grateful for everything good in my life. While things are far from perfect, I am taking time to truly reflect on those things which I am grateful for.

I am so very thankful for:

  • God. For saving me, loving me and never forsaking me. If I had nothing else to be thankful for, that in and of itself would be enough.
  • My husband. We have been such a strong support for one another over the many years of marriage, but even more so over the last couple of difficult years. When I am weak, he is strong and vice versa.
  • My children. Though they can be a source of tremendous stress and worry, I am so grateful for both of them. Their kindness, their love and their smiling faces. It amazes me how quickly they have grown. I am thankful I can be here to watch them grow up.
  • My extended family who I know would be there for me if I needed them.
  • My job, that I get to go to each day. My house to come home to each evening. My car, to be able to get where I need to go. Enough money to pay my bills on time (mostly).  Enough food to eat each day.
  • My health.
  • My peace.
  • Most of all, I am thankful for being able to recognize the handiwork of God in my daily life. The small things that may go unnoticed by others.

I actually saw the handiwork of God in my life just the other day. I live on the east coast and we had some icy/wintry weather recently. My usual vehicle is terrible when roads are slick. I have a backup vehicle that is an older SUV that I drive occasionally and especially in bad weather. I drove the SUV that day to and from work. I had no trouble at all.  I was actually thinking and said out loud to my husband, how grateful I was for that vehicle. Our Winter Rat, as we call it.

About an hour later, I had to go out to the store. As I started the vehicle and applied pressure to the break, I realized my foot was going all the way to the floor. There seemed to be no brake.  I thought maybe the line was frozen or something. I tried pumping the brakes. Nothing. I was able to put the car in reverse and back up some but had to put my foot all the way to the floor, hard, to stop the car.  I had little to no brakes. Long story short, my brake line had a leak in it and all the surrounding parts were rusted out. This car was NOT safe to drive. No brakes!

As we contemplated what to do about the situation, either repair a costly problem on this old SUV or possibly look into buying another car (which I had been already considering), I realized how blessed I had been. How lucky was it that the brake failure occurred before I got on the road to go anywhere? How blessed was I that this didn’t happen earlier in the day, like on my way to work or on the way back home?  The roads were already a slippery mess. I can’t fathom what would have happened if the brakes went out while I was driving!  God’s provision and protection?

Taking Notice

When things like this happen in my life, I try to be fully aware of God’s presence. To be grateful and not take it for granted.  I smile to myself and at least internally, acknowledge God.

Imagine all the times God has protected us. Without us even realizing it. Back in the early 80’s I used to listen to a song by Christian artist, Amy Grant. The title is, Angels.  Take a glance at the 2nd verse from this song.

God only knows the times my life was threatened just today.
A reckless car ran out of gas before it ran my way.
Near misses all around me, accidents unknown,
Though I never see with human eyes the hands that lead me home.
But I know they’re all around me all day and through the night.
When the enemy is closing in, I know sometimes they fight
To keep my fight from falling, I’ll never turn away.
If you’re asking what’s protecting me then you’re gonna hear me say:
Got his angels watching over me, every move I make,
Angles watching over me!
Angels watching over me, every step I take,
Angels watching over me

Can you imagine all the times, all the ways in which God has provided and protected us and we never fully knew it? I want to take the time this Thanksgiving to thank God for all the times he has protected me and my loved ones. The times when just the right song came on the radio to minister to me. For all the blog posts, tweets, Facebook connections that have spoken just the right words at just the right time.

For the little times in life, when things go right and literally cause a smile to draw to my lips. For the times that things seem to have gone wrong but were actually a way of preventing me from encountering disaster up ahead.  A delay that was for my benefit.  A “no” when I wanted a “yes” and being able to recognize those times and how the seemingly negative things, were a blessing in disguise. Or how even in the difficulties of life, He was there holding me up or comforting me.

What about you? Looking back can you identify the times in your life that God has shown up and perhaps you didn’t even realize it? Take the time today to reflect and thank Him for all of the protection and provision, seen and unseen. And from now on, be on the lookout for God’s handiwork in your daily life.

This day and everyday, in the midst of your hectic schedule, don’t lose sight of the One to whom we should all be giving thanks to. I hope each and every one of you have a blessed day of Thankfulness!

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A Life Uncertain, Where to Turn?

forking road

A Life Uncertain

Uncertainty is something that is hard to grapple with. Whether it is in regards to your health or your job, your relationships or your finances. Confused about which direction to take in life. Not knowing or being certain that things are going to be okay. These are hard places to be. It is very uncomfortable.

But if you think about it, our lives in general are full of uncertainties. Even the things we feel are secure, could all change in an instant. Nothing is guaranteed in this life. We can take that thought and let it control our mind and cause us all kinds of anxiety and fear. Let it disrupt our joy and contentment. Or we can fully realize that we are never the ones in control anyway. Of anything.

 

What Was Meant For Evil

When we trust in the Lord, we can know that He has His best for us. Though things may not seem to go the way we would like, we can be certain that what was meant for evil, can be turned around and used for our good.  This verse in Genesis comes to mind.

Genesis 50:20 New King James Version (NKJV)

20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.

 

No matter what uncertainty life is throwing at you right now, hold tight. God has got you. Spend time talking to Him, reading His word, leaning on Him. No matter the circumstance, Jesus is right there with you. Holding your hand and wrapping His arms of love around you.

I encourage you to read the story of Joseph (coat of many colors) in the Old Testament beginning in Genesis 37. So many horrible things happened to this man, but he never gave up. All of the things that others meant for his demise, God turned it out for his good and for God’s glory.

Despite the uncertainties of life, we can know that our Heavenly Father has us in the palm of His hand. He loves us and has a plan for our lives. So shake off your uncertainties and place your trust in Him.

 

 

 

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