No one who knows me would call me adventurous. I have usually lived my life pretty safe. I am not one who likes to try new things such as kayaking, zip-lining or even driving down a road I am not familiar with. I think a part of me has always been that way, but in recent years, my living “close to the vest” as the old saying goes, is more prevalent. I am not sure when I started to feel less in the mood to take a risk. Don’t get me wrong, I have taken risks in my life and things have often gone well. But there are certain times I am extremely hesitant. My recent struggles with anxiety have exacerbated this.
Where am I now?
I am at a point in my life now where I don’t want to live fearful anymore. I want to be more spontaneous and adventurous, fearless. I owe it to my husband, my family and most of all to myself. Looking back at my life I can see areas where I was willing to take a risk and areas where I definitely was not. It helps me at this stage to realize I have taken risks before and I can do it again. Even take new risks!
One example of a risk I took was agreeing to move out of state, away from family and begin a new life together with my husband. I had barely traveled out of state let alone LIVED in another state. At that time in my life, I was willing to do so. We had a young child back then and our work options were limited. We needed a change. So we made the move. We did have one family member who lived in our new area. That did help put me at ease some. As it turned out, this was the best move we could have made. We have been in Virginia for over 20 years now and definitely call it home.
Being somewhat shy and lacking self-confidence I often felt unsure of the choices I made. I was nervous to step out of my comfort zone, but I now realize it was those very uncomfortable things that helped me grow professionally as well as personally. The growth allowed me to have enough confidence and faith to start my own very small business as well as a blog several years ago.
While I did have emotional setbacks, I feel that am on the other side of that now. I can see how God can use our struggles and our pain to first, strengthen our relationship with Him and second, to allow us to have greater compassion for others and use our experiences to help them carry on.
I know I have missed out on things in my life because of my lack of “risk” taking and I don’t want to live that way anymore. Part of the reason for this blog in the first place is to help me and hopefully help you to live life to the fullest. To live fearlessly. I don’t mean live stupidly. But to be able to live a life that is unafraid. A big inspiration for this new perspective is the song, Fearless by Jasmine Murray.
I say that I trust that God has got my back, but am I living that out? I hope so. Maybe one day people will say that I am adventurous. Fearless, even.